Sometimes the fear of achieving actually stops you in your path to achievement.
In whatever aspect of life, where there is something wanted so deeply, it tends to fall right through your hands, when it is closest. It may have been a certain achievement at school, at least a pass at university, a few kilo’s off the waist line, romance with a boy.
At the beginning you give it all you’ve got, you do all your school work, you write out all your notes, twice, you go to the gym everyday, put in effort for the boy.
Normally, the novelty of something new wears off, but whatever it is that you wanted in the beginning, isn’t diminishing as the novelty has. Its growing. Its growing because you know how much effort you have put to get where you are today. Sure, maybe here and there you lack a bit, but you make up for it.
And now more than ever, you want it. You want to achieve the best at school. You not only want to pass at university, you want the top score. You want to become the strongest and fittest person you know, and you want to have the perfect relationship with that dream boy.
Your want grows, you aim harder.
And now, it is time to testify.
You don’t even go to school the day of the exam. You didn’t get a top score at university, you didn’t even pass. Your physical form is exactly as it was, and what was that boys name?
What happened?
You worked hard. You studied. You pushed yourself physically. You were everything he wanted.
You freaked out that something good can actually happen to you. You were so close, and you watched it all go to pieces.
I choose not to sit the examination. I hesitated with each question, when I knew the answer. I binged on food I don’t even enjoy, to fill some unknown desire. I let go of him, because I was scared of me.
Let this be a reminder to yourself.
